The pain is more acute this Christmas season.
I'm not sure if it's because we're waiting to adopt... or because she's been in our lives more frequently as of late. Maybe both. But for whatever reason, the fact that she's not [anymore] our daughter, it's this physical ache in my heart these days. Like an elephant sitting on my chest.
She should be here with us, helping decorate our Christmas tree. We should be tucking her in bed at night in her warm Christmas pj's. She should be Isaac's big sister. She should have continued to advance verbally and mentally and emotionally and academically instead of having her entire life ripped out from under her at almost 2 years old. She should be secure and confident and beginning to read and counting to 50 or 100 even and not struggling to form complete sentences or to count to 10 at age 4.
But she's not. And all of these "shoulds" are obviously more my own idea than God's. Because He allowed her to be taken from us. His plans for her life are good, and yet this, the way it's all playing out, it's SO not the life story I would have chosen for her.
Today Ann Voskamp's blog contains the words I sense the Lord speaking into the deep places of my pain... into all of us who feel the ache of our losses so much more sharply at Christmas time.
He withholds no good thing from us.
No good thing.
And Ann asks the question that's pounded in my own heart in the years following our great losses: Can all the hurting hearts believe that He withholds no good thing from us?
Can mine?
Can yours?
Could I invite you to stop in over at Ann's blog today? Her words are more than worth your time...and your open heart.
[PS - For a little more info on "our" baby girl's story, read here.]
Thursday, December 6, 2012
2 comments:
Hi there, friend! I'm honored and blessed when you share your heart, your thoughts, your feedback with me here. At the same time, I want my readers to feel free to read and process internally before the Lord... to not feel obligated to spit out immediate feedback.... so I am SO not upset or offended by non-commenting readers. Please be who you are - - internal AND external processors welcome here! :)
**If you have trouble leaving a comment, try going to where it says "comment as," or "Choose an Identity," changing the setting to "anonymous," and commenting as an anonymous user. Just make sure you leave your name in your comment if you'd like me to know who you are.**
Thanks so much for walking beside me a little ways here.
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I love the Christmas season but this year it has become a painful time to get through. My daughter and granddaughter are experiencing great loss and pain from a broken marriage and a little one diagnosed with autism.
ReplyDeleteI keep waiting for God to "do" something. Thank you for this post. I went to Ann's blog and read as well.
"He withholds no good thing." There is great comfort in these words.
Hi, I'm so sorry this Christmas season is painful for you and for your family. How hard... I have been divorced also. It is a horrific experience and I wouldn't want it for anyone... BUT... I will say that God has proven Himself more than faithful to me and there is light at the end of that horribly dark tunnel. Great grace to you and your family in this season, friend. May His peace envelop your heart and may you rest in His love...for you, and for your sweet family. Thanks for sharing your heart here today.
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