For The Days We Feel So Inadequate (Like We'll Never Be Enough...)

"Wife-hood" (have I mentioned that I like to make up new words?), motherhood, and ministry.... and just life in general.... they all have this way of making you constantly question whether you're enough.  Strong enough, gentle enough, loving enough, firm enough, consistent enough, in-tune enough with people's needs, giving enough, spending enough time with the Lord.....  

Who defines "enough," really?

Is "enough" even quantifiable?

And when it all comes down, isn't it more about HIS "enough-ness" than mine anyway?

These moments of failure, of raising my voice at my son in anger... of forgetting to trust Stan's leadership as my husband, forgetting to trust his heart toward me.... of neglecting to follow through on a commitment I made to a precious friend in our house church....of not feeling like I know our neighbors well enough... Sometimes this blaring inadequacy makes me feel like burying my head in the sand and not coming out for a few months.  Know the feeling??

AND THEN..... this whispering knock at my heart: "You'll NEVER be enough, Dana."  The voice of the enemy?  NO.  The loving whisper of the Father: "You'll never be enough... It's true... It's not your job to be."

Deep sigh.... Oh yes, Lord.... How quickly I forget....

....How quickly I forget about how He fills in my gaps... how His strength is made perfect in my weakness.... how I can relax and just lean, and He moves mountains.... how His invitation is to open up my weaknesses and inadequacies to Him so they can be filled, like a canyon is carved by water that runs through it.... how His rivers of mercy carve this raw beauty into my heart when I let go of control, of striving to be enough.... how my inadequacy can become a channel for Grace....His Grace that carves deeper still, making room for more....and how it spills out all around me - His manifest glory all over these places where I'm not enough.  

Oh Father.... how are You so beautiful and so good!?!?  

I am just wrecked by this mercy that grabs hold of my heart and births beauty in all of my gaps.

And in the midst of His glory being revealed all over my inadequate, beautiful mess, He reminds me, "There is no space between a river and the rock that it carves...."  Yes Lord.... No space between Your heart and mine... A reminder that all of this is simultaneously about His glory AND about His pursuit of intimate friendship with me, deeper trust, more leaning into Him....which brings Him more glory anyway....

This line from Ann Voskamp's blog echos in my mind today, in light of all of this, and I just have to share it with you:

"When you’re in covenant with Christ, it’s His responsibility to cover your cracks, to be all your competency and completeness." - - from Ann Voskamp's blog, A Holy Experience.

Be blessed today friends, in the midst of your inadequacy, to see Him more and more....

Would you share a piece of your heart, your journey, with us today?

* What circumstances tend to make you more aware of your inadequacy? 

*What does it look like for you to lean into Him in the midst of your weakness?

*How do you feel like He wants to reveal His glory through it all?