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| Do you see him? image credit: http://www.dianabarshaw.com/chameleons.php |
Do you ever end up in a social situation - small or big - get into interacting and bantering and small-talking and a little while later realize that you haven't let yourself or your current heart-climate be known at all? That in your interactions with people in that setting, you haven't been authentically yourself?
I confess: I do this. I think all of us are capable of it. More and more lately, when I fall into this wearing of masks, I'm noticing it. The Lord is bringing to my attention at a deeper level lately my ability to don a certain persona in order to "fit in" within whatever setting I'm currently in.
I have chameleon super powers. I don't like this about myself.
There's this idea that's been tapping on my heart for months now and I don't feel like I've dug quite deep enough into it yet... at least, not as deep as I feel drawn to go. But I want to share it here today, in its incomplete form, in hopes that as I share it with you some of the branches and brush in my heart will be cut back and I'll be able to move deeper into this idea.... of settling down into Him and into who He made me to be.
This is the invitation I feel from Him these days... when life stretches my patience and coping skills thin... and when I find my fears and insecurities popping their ugly heads up yet again [sigh...].
"Will you let Me settle down inside of you even more in this situation? Let me expand your heart? Let Me create more of a home for Myself inside of you? Will you settle down even more into who you are in Me? Learn to be more comfortable with the ways that I've made you? With your sense of humor and your body and your ways of being and doing and processing and sharing who you are? Will you let Me into the places where you've worn masks in order to protect your own heart? Will you let Me do the heart-protecting instead, and just freely be who you are in Me? And be okay with it?.... And ENJOY it?"Letting Him create more of a home for Himself inside of me looks like me coming to a place of peace and rest in the ways He has made me and the things He's put inside me. It looks like me resting in Him and being comfortable and content with who I am. Not necessarily content with where I am (we all have room for growth, and lemme tell ya - I want that!), but who I am.
Allowing Him to settle down and expand Himself more within me results in this sweet, raw, genuine authenticity that grows and overtakes me from the inside out. Authenticity before Him. Honesty with myself. Authentic living before those He's placed in my life.
Y'all, I SO long to be genuinely myself, all the time, in every circumstance and situation. If that makes me stick out like a sore thumb, so be it. But I think the more likely possibility is that it will draw others out of their own self-protective shells as well... that it will challenge and encourage others to learn to be okay with who they are, to let the Lord protect and define them instead of hiding behind all of these masks we've all learned to wear in order to be what we've thought we needed to be in order to be accepted.....?
There's only one way to achieve this true authenticity, to lose the chamelean skillz, to learn to live it out all the time, even in the most [formerly, and possibly even still] intimidating situations. It's to be settled in Him, deep in the core of who we are. Deeply at rest in the fact that He knows the depths of our hearts and not only accepts us, but delights in us, in all of the unique, quirky things about the way He made us. At rest in the fact that HE is the protector of our hearts, and our masks are no longer necessary... finding peace in the truth that He is the One who tenderly holds our hearts and puts our broken pieces back together in those unfortunate but inevitable moments when we share our authentic selves and our vulnerability isn't handled well by our fallible brothers and sisters.
God... I want to be comfortable and at peace in being who I am, no matter the circumstance or situation in which I find myself. I want to be settled in You, deep within. Hidden in You so that I don't have to hide myself. Enveloped in Your protection, not self-protecting - not using these chameleon super powers, trying to blend in.
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| image credit: http://www.flchams.com/breeder_chameleons.asp |
YES! i have those same super powers. but sometimes i do like they way they serve me. i feel protected. but then i think you are right, they aren't a good thing. i have to remind myself of this often. where you said that we need to let God do our heart-protecting--that really hit me. i so often take control and don't let God protect my heart. I try to do it.
ReplyDeleteI was just reading Ephesians 6:10 where is says to BE STRONG IN THE LORD and IN THE STRENGTH OF HIS MIGHT. I thought about how that wasn't just telling me to be strong. With which my first tendency it to just be strong in myself on my own. Somehow I think that then I am being strong for the Lord. But it says in the strength of HIS might. So the strong that i am supposed to be is God's own strength, not mine.
The reason I thought this related to your blog post was because that is often why I put on a mask. To be strong in front of other people.
Ah.... Rebecca this makes so much sense to me. I so identify with the "being strong" vs. "being strong in the Lord" struggle. I totally put on the "strong in front of people" mask at times. Sometimes I think I still do it without realizing it.
DeleteThanks so much for your input my friend! Grace and blessings to you!!