That every word I speak, every song I sing, and every prayer I pray, would be laden with it. Pregnant with it. Thick with it.
This is my prayer to the Lord in this season.
I'm realizing ways in which I've diminished myself. It happens in many facets of my life, but one area that God is highlighting to me these days is my communication. I, and I believe the great majority of us, have a tendency to shrink back from confidently expressing opinions... and for me, that is especially evident in my leadership of those I'm pouring into. It especially comes out when I'm sharing the things that Jesus is doing in my heart, or the things I believe He's saying to those I lead... those I love.
When I'm insecure, when I'm not confident in the Lord, it manifests in several different ways, not the least of which is the filling of the air with meaningless words... like, totally just whatever, ya know?
Here's a video by Taylor Mali that describes with incredible accuracy this self-diminishing that I'm talking about: (It's short and it's awesome. Ya gotta watch it!)
But, on the cross, Jesus paid the price for me, that I would have complete confidence before the Father...AND complete confidence before men. He paid the price for me to be so deeply rooted and grounded in His love that I can confidently speak my heart, speak it into the hearts of others, and not shrink back.
When I speak and live this way, I am definitely walking out on more "limbs," but, more often than not, I am finding that, when I take the risk to communicate with conviction and authority, unapologetically, not holding back even an ounce of the passion with which I believe the things I'm saying... then He comes in and anoints and empowers my words and they are piercing straight to the hearts of those for whom they're intended, and God is going deep, rooting out lies, bringing truth and healing and correct perspective on His heart.
I'm learning. I still fail, probably every day. I still look back at conversations at times and think, "Oh man, I wasn't truly myself in that conversation. I wasn't true to what's in my heart. I wasn't true to the Lord and what I believed He was saying. I shrunk back. I withheld the fullness of what's in my heart. I diminished myself, and therefore I diminished what the Holy Spirit was wanting to say and do. And... since I didn't take the risk of communicating my beliefs confidently, with conviction, I missed an opportunity to deepen my trust in the Lord: to walk out on that limb and trust Him to "catch" me if the limb broke."
Fear of failure is a big piece in this puzzle. It wants to keep me shrinking back. Keep me from taking these risks.
And it is risky. It's risky because we're afraid of people's opinions of our opinions. And we're afraid that our depth of conviction, passion, confidence will make people uncomfortable.
But as I try, as I succeed sometimes and fail other times, as I learn to obey Him in this stuff, He continually blows me away by the way He comes in and anoints and empowers and speaks through me to the hearts of those I love. I'm still growing in this. But, oh... it's so sweet, this journey with Him.
Do you identify with this struggle? I'd be interested to hear some of your personal processes with the Lord around learning to confidently communicate the things He's put inside you.
Be blessed today, friends. Be confident in His love. Your identity rests in your value to your Father... the value spoken over you by the blood of His Son.
